Helpful Hints for Parents
Never leave the family home unless absolutely necessary, e.g. your partner has obtained a Court Order, Injunction or other legal instrument, or you are fleeing violence from your partner. Never leave voluntarily. You will probably never be able to return to your house, either to see your children or collect personal belongings.
Beware of an unanswered divorce petition
Some allegations in the ‘particulars’ if not answered may come back to haunt you, affecting contact, residence and financial issues. You have a right to file an answer to the divorce petition even though you don’t choose to defend the divorce. Refute any false or wildly exaggerated allegations, especially any concerning domestic violence and indifference/ neglect/ abuse relating to your child.
Parental Responsibility (PR)
You will have this automatically if you are/were married or signed the birth certificate (from 1st Dec 2003 in England/Wales). Otherwise, we recommend that you obtain PR by signing an agreement with your ‘ex’ or, if necessary, by making a court application. 95% of such applications are successful.
Maintain contact with your children
Establish regular and frequent contact as soon as possible, with as much staying contact as you can manage. Do not agree to a period without contact. After a break, contact can be very difficult to establish. Any loss of contact will be harmful to your children.
Never disappoint your children
Never break contact arrangements. If you are going to be late, get a taxi. If they expect you to telephone, do call. If you do not turn up, it will be used against you in Court.
Stay healthy and maintain a social life.
Don’t let your work suffer, adding work problems to family ones. You need to be physically and emotionally strong, or you can’t look after your children’s needs. Get whatever help you need – e.g. health advice. http://www.nhs.uk/pages/home.aspx
Listen to your children
Don’t question them about what happened while with the other parent. Never ask them to keep secrets or put them in a position where they have to tell lies. Don’t make them take sides. Allow them to love both parents without being got at by either – don’t force them to choose between you.
Be wary of Social Services
The culture in these departments can mean that they will judge a non-resident parent’s concerns as vindictive complaints likely to undermine the primary care-giver and thereby threaten the children’s well-being.
Press your Lawyers
Insist that they follow your instructions, on time and report back to you. If they are not satisfactory, fire them.
Consider representing yourself as a Litigant in Person
This is cheaper and can be more effective than using solicitors in the more straightforward cases. You are entitled to have a “McKenzie friend” with you in Court to support you. Some judges actually prefer to deal with parents representing themselves.
If the Court appoints a CAFCASS Officer
Try to have the court direct how the investigation is to proceed, for example, that the children are seen in the company of each parent, and in their respective homes if possible. Rather than wait until the final hearing to challenge inaccuracies or omissions in the report, consider earlier remedies: e.g. complaints, addendum reports.
If the Judge ignores a favourable CAFCASS report you may have grounds for appeal.
Listen very carefully to all sensible ‘advice’.
Because another individual, after following a particular strategy, experienced a certain outcome it does not mean that you can predict your outcome will be the same. Seek out different opinions and weigh them up carefully before embarking on a course of action. Never respond as a knee-jerk reaction. Most situations won’t be emergencies. Ask others to read through any letters you compose so you are not compromised by a lack of perspective.
ABOVE ALL, NEVER GIVE UP
It may be a long struggle but you can succeed. To persevere, you will need to draw on support from family, and friends