What Every Divorced Man Should Know

Avoid solicitors’ hourly rates.

It’s like therapy. Lawyers are paid by the hour. They say things that make you feel good. And it is in their interest to spin things out.

But there will come a time when you and your ex are arguing about the last CD, which is now the only thing either of you possess, and you will suddenly notice that both your lawyers are driving shiny Rolls-Royces.

So if you need legal help go to someone like Hylton-Potts, who will charge you fixed fees

You’re broke

A male breadwinner takes a 25 per cent pay cut, minimum, simply by being out of the family home, what with the childcare, the new overheads, the loss of economies of scale.

You will be very sad, for quite a long time

This is a guide meant for the man who has been kicked out, not the man who has run out. And even the most self-centered man, which, let’s admit it, means most men, will feel aggrieved and hurt.

You learn to count your blessings

OK, so you’re living somewhere smaller and far less homely. Well, at least you’re not homeless. And you don’t have to do a Big Shop any more. Or go to Homebase every sunny weekend. Or visit the in-laws. If that doesn’t put a spring in your step I do not know what will.

You get to start dating again. You relearn a lot about relationships that you had forgotten. And you can ‘pull’ younger women!

Do not shack up with the first person you meet

Remember that you have just had the reset button pressed. And so just as you would not have married the person you lost your virginity to, do not settle down with the first person you meet post-separation.

You appreciate your children more

Assuming that your ex has not imposed the kind of conditions on you that make you feel like putting on a Batman outfit and climbing Big Ben, you will be seeing your children at controlled intervals. This can be dispiriting at first but make the most of it. Walk with a straight back and do not collapse in tears in front of them. Be the best man that you can to them. Love them.

This is a lot easier to do when they are not in your face day in, day out. And never ask for more contact than you really want. Every weekend sounds great, but no social life, no new girlfriend, no rugby weekends in Paris. Every other weekend works.

It gets better

It takes time. You have to readjust: there are few things more painful than picking up the young ones from the family home and taking them back  from which you have been exiled. But it will get better, and never, never, never, never give up on your children.