DIVORCE AND DISSOLUTION; OUR TOP 10 PRACTICAL TIPS
This guide is equally for both married couples and gay couples who have entered into civil partnerships, (for ease we have used the expression ‘divorce’ throughout. In the case of gay couples the expression is ‘dissolution’.
There are many things to think about. It is likely to mean changes to whom you live with, maybe where you live, as well as changes to your finances. This can be further complicated where children are involved to care for and support. It is a huge change in your life and can be a very difficult and emotional time.
One of the things you will need to consider is whether you want to have a lawyer to help with the divorce process. You can do a lot of the leg work. To get a divorce yourself, and there are companies online who offer kits that tell you what to do. Or you can ask a lawyer to do part, or all, of it for you. There are pros and cons to each approach. This guide seeks to help you decided what might suit you best and what to think about if you do use a lawyer to help with your divorce
Here are our top 10 tips of what you can do to help make the right decision. And if you decide to use a lawyer, we hope this guide will help ensure the legal side of things runs smoothly.
1. Consider what you want from your divorce settlement
Getting a divorce may not just be about getting the legal document that says you aren’t married anymore.
There is often a house to think about, shared finances, or children. Your life is possibly going to be very different once the divorce goes through, and you have to have a clear idea before you enter into the divorce process what you want to try and achieve. Emotions run high but try to think of it in terms of business problem. It is not easy but financial divorce decisions are usually the biggest ‘business’ decisions of your life. Be organised. We can send you, free of charge a chronology to keep it and it is important dates on your computer. A Cast of characters can be useful, (including the wicked in-laws) that again can be sent free of charge
Buy a lever arch file with an index, and carefully hole punch and file all the documents and letters in date order, first date like a book. Prepare a simple index. You can save a lot of money if you do this yourself prior to coming to a lawyer. Never pay a lawyer to be your secretary. They are too expensive. We can send you free of charge a guide on how to prepare your file.
But in deciding what your objectives are for your divorce settlement, you have to be realistic. Judges try to be fair to and what they will do is look at what each of you needs to live on, and if there are children involved, to put the interests of those children first.
Judges are rarely interested in debates about how and why the relationship broke down, who was right and who was wrong. You may think that you deserve more from the divorce because your partner cheated on you or because you feel their behaviour was unreasonable.
Unless the behaviour is extremely serious, such as broken limbs, adultery in the marital bed or pedophilia, however, the judge will not take it into account.
So think clearly about what result you are looking for. The clearer that is in your mind, the easier it is for your lawyer to understand what you want and the less room there is for misunderstanding.
Sketch a diagram/plan , (write it down) , to show how you see the pair of you living, with or without the children, after the separation.
Just pretend , do not be alarmed , just pretend, that your barrister was late for court, and the judge said ‘OK, while we wait , just tell me in your own words what order you would like me to make and why. How would it leave each of you?’ Then see what it looks like.
2. If you can, discuss with your former partner how you will approach the divorce
Divorces are much quicker, cheaper and less destructive if both parties behave in a sensible, co-operative manner. It is not easy – and sometimes simply not possible – to agree before you begin how you will both approach the process. But remember: if you fallout and the divorce process becomes a prolonged and bitter battle, the only ones who win will be the lawyers. On our our office wall we have a picture of a cow. The wife is tugging the head. The husband is tagging the tail. The judge looks on. Guess who is milking it underneath?
If you have savings or equity in your home, these can quickly get eaten up in legal fees. Whatever the financial differences between you, you have one thing in common: you want to give as little of your money as you can to the lawyers.
So if it is possible, it is sensible to discuss how you will approach the process with your ex-partner.
1. Consider Mediation
If you and your ex can agree on the key issues (with or without a mediator) –all the lawyers have to do is draw up the agreement and the need for a full court hearing (with all the expense and risk of disappointment involved) is avoided.
You may want to make sure you understand your legal position before you consider mediation. It can also help to be clear about your financial and other matters as well, to help agree a settlement. Instructing a lawyer first is essential.
Mediation is not for everybody. Intelligent, rational couples do not normally need a paid third party is a sit in to resolve things. What we call a ‘kitchen table settlement ‘over a cup of tea or a bottle of wine, can often be far more effective, and certainly cheaper. Then the lawyers can just write up the settlement.
2. Shop around for the sort of legal service you want
Legal services are now also available online or through call centres. These modern alternatives might look more cost effective – but they may not be for you.
This type of service delivery is more likely to work for you if you want to do most of the legwork of getting a divorce yourself. Many firms now offer online ‘DIY divorce kits’ which provide a complete ‘how to’ guide on what you need to do to get divorced. Others offer some very basic advice, like checking the forms before you submit them. Be aware that by using these forms you may be taking a risk if anything unusual or unexpected crops up, or if your divorce isn’t straight forward and you can’t agree what will happen with your partner. The person responsible for your case will not have the same experience as practicing divorce lawyer.
It is important that you choose a method of service delivery which suits you. One size won’t fit all, but you need to be comfortable with the method of service delivery offered by your lawyer.
As you are shopping around for a lawyer, make sure that you understand what services each firm is offering and at what cost. Some firms may offer a fixed quote but make sure that you are aware what this includes and what would happen if something unexpected occurs as this may not be included. Make sure that the quotes are like-for-like. A lawyer will usually charge legal fees plus VAT and disbursements (we explain what disbursements are next). Make sure that all the quotes you get are for the firm’s fees, VAT and all disbursements so that you can truly compare like for like. We charge fixed fees clearly stated to include VAT, and clearly set out what expenses/disbursements such as court fees are on top.
3. Be wary of hidden costs, disbursements and VAT
Disbursements are sums paid by your lawyer to third parties, such as court fees expert witness and barrister fees. Double check when getting a quote what disbursements apply and query any disbursements that haven’t been mentioned by other firms if you’ve shopped around.
Make sure that any quotes you get contain all costs, disbursements and VAT. Beware of quotes that look a lot cheaper than others; if it looks too good to be true, it probably is.
A lot of firms will not issue you with a quote but will instead provide you with an estimate of the amount of work and their costs. This may make firms difficult to compare. The estimate should provide a reasonable idea of the final bill, however this can sometimes be hard to predict. Therefore, it is important that your lawyer keeps you updated throughout. We charge fixed fees clearly stated to include VAT, and clearly set out what expenses/disbursements such as court fees are on top.
4. Get a clear estimate and agree how the case will be funded and how you will be kept in the loop as the costs increases
Once you have decided on the lawyer you are intending to instruct, get a clear estimate of the likely total cost of your divorce. Make sure you know whether it is a fixed cost quote or an estimate and what it covers. You will also need to agree how the lawyer will keep you informed of the cost you have incurred as the case goes on, so that you are able to keep a track of your costs.
Also, it is worth discussing with the lawyer when you are expected to pay: up front, in stages or after the final settlement.
5. Make it clear to the lawyer the result you are seeking and agree with the lawyer how you will approach each decision in the divorce process
Many of the divorces which go wrong- and the complaints which arise as a result– do so because there is a breakdown in communications. Clients are not clear with their lawyers what they want; lawyers fail to consult their clients about decisions that are being made. When this happens, disappointment is guaranteed.
Clarity on both sides is vital. If there is something – for example a family keepsake, or a pet – which is not financially significant but really matters to you, tell your lawyer; if the lawyer doesn’t know, they can’t make sure that is factored into the settlement. But the lawyer also needs to keep you fully informed about how the case is progressing, asking for your input into key decisions (whether to accept a suggested settlement or challenge it; whether to instruct a senior, expensive barrister or a more junior, cheaper one). We have clients who are very wealthy, in the Sunday Times Richest List, down to those on benefit. We get the best barrister they can afford, that all cases get thorough expert preparation by us at a fixed fee. That usually gives the edge.
It is essential that you listen to what your lawyer is advising you. Lawyers are the experts in the divorce process; that is why we employ them. If your lawyer believes that you are being unrealistic in your expectations or should try another course of action, you should take that advice seriously. It is your case, and you should be able to have the final say, but a good lawyer will have your interests at heart and you should value their advice.
6. Stay Calm
Going through divorce is a stressful experience: the emotions involved can allow for poor decisions to be made. Be aware of how you are feeling and how your partner is feeling. It may be that some of what you are each pursuing in the divorce is for emotional rather than logical reasons and you should think about whether it is worth the cost both in financial and emotional terms. Try to think in terms of being in a play, on a stage. Everything you write, text, email or say (and yes it could be recorded and yes it is admissible) could be read by a judge. No late night ill-advised emails after a couple of drinks. We have all done it, but do NOT do it in the divorce process.
Remember, the divorce process is not there to decide who was right or who was wrong, or to attribute blame for the break-up. You may feel it is satisfying to put your ex through Hell in the divorce but it can also be very expensive.
You also need to be conscious that your lawyer is a professional adviser and representative rather than a counselor or friend. Good lawyers will provide a sympathetic ear, but they are a very costly way of getting emotional support. A lawyer is not your friend, but a lawyer you can do more to help you and a friend can.
Good lawyers will also sometimes challenge you about what you are doing in a way you may find upsetting; if this happens, it is because they have your best interests at heart.
7. Ask Questions
There is no such thing as a silly question. For instance, you might ask what will happen if you change your mind and don’t want a divorce at all. Or you might be wondering whether you have to pay towards some of your partner’s costs.
Whatever it is, if you’re unsure about something, ask. Your lawyer is the legal expert and that’s what you’re paying them for. All too often people can feel intimidated when dealing with professionals who are experts in their field but you shouldn’t. Most lawyers will welcome questions if there is something you’re unsure of or worried about. And it can help prevent problems later on if you mention what’s on your mind at the time.
8. Don’t be scared to challenge or complain
If there is a problem with your lawyers service you should tell them. The vast majority of lawyers want to do a good job and will want to try to put it right. We certainly would.
Our top ten tips should help reduce your chances of adding to the stresses that can come with getting a divorce.
If you feel that we may be the lawyers for you, you can contact us in the following ways:
You can call us on: 020 7381 8111
We are open Monday to Friday between 9am and 5:30pm.
If you are calling from overseas, please call +44 20 731 8111
You can also email us at: [email protected]
If you prefer, you can write to us:
HPLC LLP
Langthorne Chambers
31 Langthorne Street
London
SW6 6JT
www.hylton-potts.cm